hmmm....
Where to begin.
So the first time that I met Uncle Cal was my first trip the Catering Company. I went there to fill out an application. He happily had me fill it out, thanked me for coming out and sent me on my way. Uncle Cal was in the kitchen 3 years later when I was embarking on my mission to salvage the kitchen desk from all of the clutter that had culminated there over the previous fifteen years or so. I pulled my application from one of the drawers and turned to him.
"You dirty bastard, you never sent these down to the office at all like you promised." I said.
"Of course not, you look like a f@#!ing hooligan!" Cal replied.
He did bring up a fine point that I really could not argue with.
Calvin Murphy ran his own little catering business out of the Catering Company building. He and the Kaufmann's had done business with each other for many years and he worked some deal out with them that allowed him to set up shop and have his run of the place. His business was mainly high-end, small corporate/professional deals(catered meetings, gourmet box lunches delivered pre-flight, etc.) so he would typically be there of a morning after we got the Boat stuff sent out and we had a but of quiet time before the madness really got started.
Now Calvin is one of the greatest storytellers that I have ever ran into. He has a knack for drawing you in and leading you exactly where he wants you to go. He is also one of the most accomplished and believeable liars and the only person that I personally know that has been in the National Enquirer. Many mornings he would regale us with tales and anecdotes, so many times in fact that we began to call it 'Uncle Cals' Story Hour'.....
One weekend many years ago, Uncle Cal had promised to cater a wedding in a town about three hours away. It was a wedding for someone that was some relation to his at-the-time-of-the-story-wife. Now for those of you who may not know, this sort of job requires a lot of time and planning. Not only do you have to transport everything that you need to a random place but you have to make sure that you have everything you could possibly need for the outing since you will be stranded from your normal backups once you get there. Twenty people or so is usually no problem, but he was supposed to be getting ready for 100-150 people.
On the Friday before the wedding, Cal and his brother-in-law made ready to make the trip to where the wedding was to be held. His brother-in-law noticed that Cal was not loading any food, equipment or anything that he would need for the catering job and made mention of this fact. Cal really didn't feel like it and wasn't worried about it. He had decided to just pick up what he needed there.
They get down to the place and get settled in. A weird and awkward thing though. No one had heard from the bride in a while. This was well before the proliferation of cell phones that we have today and they were kind of out in the country so there was no real way to track her down. But then again, there was no rehersal dinner or anything so everybody took some time for themselves.
Day of the wedding. The chapel is set, preparations are being finalized, the brides' family has made there way into town from far off and everyone is ready, right?
Cal still hasn't done any prep work nor has he even bought a spot of food for the reception that he had agreed to cater. At this point in the story, Uncle Cal tells us he had a funny feeling about the whole deal and has decided it wasn't going to happen.
Strangely he was right.
It turns out that no one had heard from the bride that night, nor had anyone heard anything that morning. The wedding time had come and gone and she was a no show.
It is late at night as I type this and I know that I have done a poor job in re-telling this tale. Uncle Cal had us hanging from every word. So much so that we had even put down our knives and stopped working at all.
Lucky for us, because we were not ready for the next part.
Since the bride was not to be found at the chapel and there was no 'Dear John' letter or the like, people started getting very worried and everyone went out to look for her. Several hours later the news comes in that the bride was found shot dead her truck out in a field. Much later on rumours would abound and tales would be told infidelity and revenge, but for now there was just shock and horror.
Everyone makes their way back to the chapel. There is much sadness, crying and consoling as anyone would expect. Eventually the brides' father makes his way over to Uncle Cal. The father is overcome and just barely making his way round the room. He thanks Cal for making the trip out, but that they will not be having any need for a buffet. He lets Cal know that he is aware that Cal has made certain investments in preparing for the reception and would like to compensate him for what he has already spent.
At this point, Uncle Cal has not spent a dime on this party. His brother-in-law was even the one who drove and paid for the gas. He is out nothing but less than twenty-four hours. Cal said that he did not hesitate.
"$500."
The father wrote him a check and shuffled on to deal with his grief.
It cost him nothing. He could have looked like a hero, or at the very least a gracious human being and not been out a penny.
Didn't miss a beat.
"$500."
At the end of this tale, I turned to Uncle Cal.
"I am so very glad to know you for the evil bastard that you are. 'Cause if not and I had run into you on the street you probably would have talked me out of my shirt and had me thank you for the opportunity." I said.
Maybe the story isn't all true. Maybe he took some liberties here and there. In fact it could be a complete and total fabrication. Not that it matters. The way that I see it, if you are willing to tell this tale and be the guy in that story, you are a bastard of the highest degree.
I listened to many tales from Uncle Cal. I was there often as he would spread lies as easy as breathing. I watched as he would bedazzle and beguile customers, clients, strangers and friends. Never slowing down, he would just open his mouth and out would come the most astounding things and I would watch his audience would nod in agreement and walk away with such a feeling of contentment.
All from Uncle Cals' endless supply of B.S.
But I always remember a story where someone died and I saw no feeling or remorse, just a man without morals.
Heck of a storyteller though.
No comments:
Post a Comment